This past week has been one of the most difficult weeks of my entire life. Sometimes terrible things just sneak up on you in life and you really don’t see them coming. At the beginning of this week, I found out some news that really hit my family and I hard. It was the kind of news that makes you want to cry and makes you question everything. It makes you angry and you feel like life is so unfair. The kind of news that makes you want to hide. Yell. Scream. Go crazy.
At least that’s how I should’ve felt.
If you knew what I had found out, you wouldn’t blame me for wanting to be angry and extremely upset. I probably wouldn’t have been questioned if I had just gotten in my car and drove far, far away. I could have reacted in so many different ways. I could have broken bridges, had a terrible attitude, and not shown up for work. There were things I wanted to do. Things I wanted to say. People I wanted to be angry at. But do you want to know what I did instead?
I threw my entire situation to up God. I told Him that I couldn’t handle this on my own and that I needed help. I needed Him. Instead of getting angry at God for allowing this to happen, I instead placed my hope in Him that he’s allowing this to happen for a reason. Instead of forgetting His faithfulness to me in the past, I instead made myself remember those scenarios once again. Instead of believing that He was the one who caused this to happen, I instead remembered that He allows things to happen to grow my faith and sharpen me. I remembered that Satan is prowling and wants to drag me down.
Do you want to know what happened after I surrendered it ALL to God?
I was given peace. Peace in my heart, peace in my mind. I stopped crying, and started smiling. I stopped thinking and replaying the bad thoughts, and started listening for His voice. I carried onward. I was actually dumbfounded by how OK I was. Without God, I wouldn’t have been able to just go on like normal. I went to work, hung out with my friends, smiled and laughed like usual. Of course I’m still affected by what happened, but I am no longer looking at it as such a terrible thing. God’s with me. He’s watching. He knows. And when God who created the earth and can move mountains says that He loves you, says He will take care of you, and says not to worry, YOU DO THOSE THINGS.
I realized that God didn’t want me wallowing around in a state of sadness, calling on His name for a temporary moment of peace, and then slipping back into sorrow. He wanted me to show others that even in the midst of unspeakable pain, He gives joy that can N E V E R be stolen. Joy that lives and shines even when everything around is pitch black.
He assigned me this mountain to show others that it can be moved. I know He is always by my side, and He is by yours too.0